IVF round 2.0 is officially upon us. Tomorrow evening I will stab myself (or my husband will if I chicken out) for the first time in this new cycle. Un-boxing all these meds + allllllllllll the needles made me feel two things… terror. and hope. I feel like those two feelings were present through so much of our past journey. I’m not one bit surprised by the flood of emotions to be honest. It’s a roller coaster trying to create a life with the support of medical professionals vs. the good old fashioned way. One I had absolutely zero understanding of until we struggled (for almost 6-years) to get pregnant with this little love bug. Equal parts sweet + sassy with a dash of bossy pants. We have one little IVF miracle right here at home, and because of her I know in my heart I’ll be able to keep myself more sane this time around. We have seen the light through this tunnel of terror <3
As I was un-boxing and triple checking to make sure every single thing was there little Miss came over to check out the goods… and entered for a few photobombs… AND used her little hands to “take pichurs” along with me. I mean. She’s the best. This process was a detailed one because many moons ago I had a traumatic and failed IUI treatment all because of one missing needle! I refuse to let one needle stand between me and anything after that stressful and traumatizing cycle. With this blog in mind as I started to sort it out into what needed to be taken when, and getting my little IVF calendar updated, I snapped a few shots of to share… because who doesn’t want to see what $850 worth of fertility drugs looks like? Let’s be honest, this stash was not even a quarter of what the first round cost us in drugs. So this one felt easy peasy, really. I mean, we pay more than that for rent on our little frozen embroys a year! Yes, our future babies are snuggled up, and flash frozen in a lab, in NJ!
This needle. This damn needle. He will be the death of me. 10ish weeks of that monster in the bum is the pits. I mean obviously I will and have walked through hell to create a little life. I’m thankful that it’s medically, and financially, in the cards. But. Some of it just sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Tell us about a few of the absolute suckiest parts, won’t you, Jessica? Ok! I was planning on it!
1 – Driving to NJ to get pregnant in a room full of people, with my feet in stirrups. It’s not passionate. It’s not intimate. It’s weird, and scary, and uncomfortable. It sucks. Am I beyond thankful and excited to be there waiting for a team of embryologists a nurse or two, and a doctor, deposit one of these precious embryos in my super prepped up uterus? Yep! Does it suck? Yep!!!
2 – Internal ultrasounds. Enough said. IVF brings along far too many people up in your lady bits. so. many. Is it worth it? 1000%! Does it suck? Yes. Yes it does.
3 – Stress. Craziness. Stuffing syringes and pills full of hormones into your already hormone filled body. I aspire to make it through this cycle and keep my ish together. I hope I can. If I can’t. Oh well. I know it’s ok to let myself go through this however I can make it through the days with my sanity.
4 – The two week wait. Gah! It’s hard/nearly unbearable when you’re just trying the all naturale way, right? Imagine if you just spent somewhere in the range of 5k-25k prior to driving yourself crazy about every crazy symptom you can dream up in your head + trying NOT to pee on 75 million sticks. And probably failing.
5 – (I’m sure there are more, but you’re probably bored now :P) THIS NEEDLE! This progesterone shot. It is one of the hardest parts. It. Hurts. BAD. Imagine that ginormous needle, attached to a syringe or OIL. Not liquid. Oil. So not only is that needle evil, the stuff you are shoving through it with all of your might (or my husbands, or anyone really that will take pity on me and do it for me when he’s traveling!) is THICK. It’s a slow slow process, and if you don’t get that stuff massaged in and get on a heating pad right away you can bet your bottom (ha!) that it’s going to ball up like a little knot in there and torture you until it disperses. Not to mention the lost feeling in that area from every day stab sessions for 10ish weeks. Ouch. I have a few days before that little bigger enters the party, but I’m looking forward to that day -1000%. Will I deal with it? Yes. Will it suck? Yes. Will I be damned happy I did it in the end. Yes.
She’s adorable, right? Worth every single needle, tear, EPT, Clearblue, surgery, doctors appointment, specialist, blood test, internal ultrasound, mile, sharps container, finally getting pregnant in a room full of people, tear… did I say tear? Yep, she’s worth them all times a million.
She is literally saying “smile for yer pichur” “take yer pichur” “click click”
What’s $844.27 in the grand scheme of things? Compared to our last cycle, it’s a breeze forking over the cash for this one. Like a $20k discount this time around! Assuming this cycle works of course… but we won’t go there. Yet. I’m cautiously optimistic. Stay tuned ❤